It Started With the Virus
by Lady Gage
Summary: Johnny and Roy are at odds and Captain Stanley forces them to see a shrink before things get out of hand. Can they work out their problems? ...  Warning: Budding M/M relationship/pre-slash
1. Chapter 1

_I know you're thinking...OH NO another story...why isn't she working on "Rock Me Gently"...? Well I am, but I've had this on my laptop for a while thinking it might need more or need more work. I have read over it several times, and decided to see what you think. I PROMISE I AM WORKING ON RMG TOO!_

**It Started With the Virus**

By Lady Gage

_Emergency! is not mine__, and neither are the characters. I borrowed them for some fun, but I promise to give them back._

Johnny hated meeting with the shrink, but Captain Stanley had made it an order. He didn't have a choice if he wanted to keep his job. Things between him and Roy had gotten out of hand. No one wanted to see the best Paramedic team in the department break up, so they were ordered to see the department counselor or get someone on their own. Roy had gone to his own private counselor and been given clearance for duty.

Johnny had put it off as long as he could. Finally, he was put on administrative leave until he got clearance. That pissed him off real good, but he didn't have a choice anymore.

"Johnny, just make an appointment. It's not that bad." Roy urged his partner to make the call.

"All right Roy, I heard the man. I can't come back to work until I do it, so I'll do it!" Johnny slammed his locker, "I don't need a lecture from you right now too!" He turned and stalked from the locker room, out across the bay and jerked the door to his Rover open. Taking a deep breath he glanced back over his shoulder at the station that he loved knowing it may be his last time there. He slid behind the wheel, revved the engine and sped out of the lot. _'How can I go to a therapist? How can I tell them what's got me so crazy? I can't do that to Roy. I just can't do it.' _

But he had made the call. Three days later Roy was injured at a fire. It was a minor concussion, but Johnny had convinced himself that no one could keep an eye on his partner like he could. If he wanted to keep Roy safe, he would have to get back to work no matter what.

He found a private therapist that had an opening that afternoon. Now all he had to do was bluff this guy off and get back to work.

It hadn't been that easy. The therapist saw right through his bluff and pressed for more information.

"Okay John, you and I both know there is more to these feelings than just fatigue. Why don't you tell me when you started having feelings for your partner?"

Johnny's mouth fell open.

All the air rushed from his lungs.

The room seemed to start a slow spin.

The therapist was on his feet in a flash. He pushed Johnny's head down between his knees. "Just take a few deep breaths."

After a few minutes Johnny was able to pull himself together. He sat up and ran his hand through his hair. He felt the cold glass brush against his hand before he heard the request to drink. He took the cold water and took a few sips. His hands were shaking so bad he almost couldn't hold the glass.

"Feeling better?"

Johnny looked up at the man. "Yeah." He leaned forward and sat the glass on the table in front of _the couch_. "Listen Doc, I don't really know what you're talking about here."

"John, when you talk about Roy, it's written all over your face: the admiration, the trust and the desire. If you'll just be honest with yourself things will be a lot easier, and you can get back to what you love." The therapist resumed his seat and waited.

It took Johnny a long time, but he finally took a few deep breaths. He knew the therapist was right. He hated that the therapist was right, and he hated himself for it. That's part of what was making him so mad. He knew he had lost his objectivity in the matter. He wanted to be with Roy, but that was impossible. Roy had a family, and he knew he liked women. He was not a fag…no way, but he did have feelings that just didn't make sense anymore. He had feelings for another man, for Roy.

"I don't know when exactly it happened." He sucked in another deep breath and blew it out between his teeth. "After the virus, I guess." He hesitated thinking…remembering. "All I remember is when that virus hit me that day at the station I felt tired, achy; kind of raw, ya know? I mean Cap only asked me to take some kids on a tour, but truthfully I didn't think I could make it through the bay to the front door. Of course then the tones sounded and the adrenaline kicked in. Somehow I managed to get into the squad after almost fallin' over when I got up. Man that was surreal."

"Go on." The doctor made a few notes on his pad.

Johnny cleared his throat and continued, "Then we were up on that roof. It was so hot. I was sweatin' so bad I could feel it running down my back, but there wasn't time to tell anybody. We had a guy on that scaffold that needed us. Roy hates heights as much as I hate big boats, so I got ready to go down. Suddenly I felt real light headed, kind of queasy, but we had a job to do so I just shook it off. The bad part was once I got down there on the scaffold it really hit me. I couldn't even see straight. I kept squeezing my eyes together trying to clear my vision, but I gotta tell ya, it wasn't workin'." He shuddered at the memory. "The next thing I know I'm being pulled up on the roof like a limp rag. That's when I started gettin' kind of worried. Roy told me by the time he got me to Rampart I was totally out of it. I don't remember much else until I woke up in the room with Brackett. Somehow we had survived, but Tim...he...uh, he wasn't so lucky."

He rubbed his face with the palms of his hands. Thinking about how close he had come to death shook him up more than a little. "Anyway, uh, where was I? Oh yeah. I was weaker than a new born calf. I couldn't stand up by myself for days, hell I couldn't walk without help for what seemed like weeks. That's when I started noticing little things. Roy would come by every day...even when he was on duty. He would clean me up. Help me to the shower. At first he had to hold me up in the shower. I knew he had to have felt funny about that, but he's a good friend. Always has been." He smiled fondly. "Brackett had Dixie, and I had Roy. I guess that's when I started feeling this way."

Johnny relaxed a little. Maybe talking to a shrink was a good thing after all. He could feel the tension slipping away as he continued his story. "I was too weak at the time to...you know...I mean I didn't show any physical signs, but I could just feel our friendship changing." A red blush grew from his neck onto his face, but he kept going. "One day in the shower my knees just gave out on me. I almost fell out. Roy was right there. I mean he had his clothes on, but he was right there catching me. My head fell against his chest. I could smell his aftershave...his scent. I could feel his strength holding me there. It's not like I could do anything about it. I couldn't even raise myself away from his chest. He slid his arm around my shoulder and lifted me. I don't even know how he did that. I'm skinny, but I'm no lightweight. He sat me down on the toilet and started patting me dry. I was so sick that even my skin hurt to be touched. Every muscle in my body ached from the fever, but somehow Roy knew how to touch me without making it hurt. His warm hands caressed my body until I was dry. "

Johnny paused. He looked over at the therapist. "Yeah that had to be it. That had to be the first time I realized it was different for me. I mean I think I had dated every single nurse at Rampart. I had my share of...um...experiences, but never seemed satisfied. I mean I got relief, but I don't know. I just never seemed happy afterward. I never called them for a second date. But after Roy's hands touched me, I dreamed about it. Weird huh?"

"No, not weird at all, Roy gave you what you needed when you needed it most. Go on."

Johnny got up and paced around the office a few times. The nervousness had returned. _'Sure it feels good to talk about things, but how much should I tell? How much will be enough to get back to work?'_ He moved back to the couch and sat down. "Doc, I really just want to get back to work. I've told you how I'm feeling. Why do we need to go any further?"

"Can you work beside Roy everyday; ride in the squad with him so close that he may touch you? Can you smell his aftershave without reacting to your feelings?"

Johnny looked at the man. Anger swelled in his gut, but he squashed it back down. The man was right. "No." He lowered his eyes to his hands. "What am I gonna do?"

"Talk some more. We'll figure this out."

"I…the dream…I have that dream a lot now." He shifted on the couch. "I dream that his hands are…um…caressing me." He looked up into the therapist's eyes. "Stroking me." He saw understanding in the man's eyes.

"You like that."

Johnny nodded.

"You seek release?"

"Uh, that's a little too personal." He looked away blushing.

"It's a normal response."

Johnny blew out another long breath. "There's nothing normal about this." He was avoiding telling the therapist what really had him so confused; what he was really thinking. _'__I find myself imagining my best friend making love to me. I dream about him touching me and his hands gliding across my body.'_

"You love him."

"Hell yes I love him! He's my best friend, but I love his wife and kids too! How the hell do I deal with this?" He shot up off the couch and paced with his hands waving in the air. "How do I face him every day knowing how I feel? How do I look at his kids knowing what I want could ruin their lives? I can't do that to them. I love them all too much for that! This is tearing me up inside!" He hung his head and leaned against the cool glass of the window.

"You have to tell him."

"Tell him!"

"You have to give him the chance to decide what he wants."

"No way!" He turned facing the room again and ran his hands through his hair. "I can't do that." His upset deflated into extreme sadness. His shoulders sagged, his hands fell to his sides and his face lost all measurable semblance of emotion. He stared blankly into the room, emptiness filling his heart. The color of the heated moment drained from his face.

"I could call him for you. See if he can meet with us."

Johnny's eyes shot up at the therapist. The look shot daggers at the man. "NO!"

"Then you need to set up a private meeting with him…today."

"Look, I just came here to get you to sign off on me going back to work. I need to go back to work. Just sign the damn paper and let me go back to work."

"I'm sorry John, I can't do that. Not until you face Roy with this. You will never be able to work with him unless you tell him how you're feeling. Then I'll sign the paper, but not before."

Johnny grabbed the paper from the desk, shoved it in his shirt pocket, stalked across the room to the door and grabbed the handle. Before jerking the door open to leave he turned to the man, "I'll just find another therapist." He pulled the door open, but was stopped by the man when he spoke.

"They won't sign it either, but you can try."


	2. Chapter 2

It Started With the Virus

Chapter 2

By Lady Gage

_Emergency! is not mine__, and neither are the characters. I borrowed them for some fun, but I promise to give them back._

He hurried through the door and through the waiting room without looking to see if anyone else was there; without thanking the receptionist. He couldn't. She would know. They would all know. That was one of the things tearing him up about all of this. Everyone would know.

'_Maybe I just need to pack up all my stuff and move on. How in the hell can I get back to work if I have to tell Roy I want him to bed me down? I want to see him sliding in and out of me while he strokes my shaft. How do you tell someone that?' _Suddenly feeling sick Johnny dashed into the men's room and fell to his knees retching.

A short while later he trudged up the stairs to his apartment…practically stumbled into the bedroom and fell across his bed, totally drained. Pulling the covers over himself he slipped into an exhausted sleep.

Roy had knocked on Johnny's door several times. He knew he was there. The Rover was in the parking lot and he could see the lights on through a crack in the curtain. He fished in his pocket for the key Johnny had given him when he was so sick. Twisting the key in the lock and opening the door seemed to be the only way Roy could make sure Johnny was okay. Ever since he'd had that virus, Roy couldn't help but worry about his best friend. And now with the forced medical leave, he wondered what was going on with Johnny. He pushed the door open slowly, hoping he wasn't interrupting anything between his best friend and a potential visitor.

The room was empty; the apartment quiet. Roy stepped the rest of the way inside and softly closed the door. If Johnny was asleep, he didn't want to wake him.

Roy moved hesitantly down the hallway to the open bedroom door and stopped just before looking inside. He listened. Johnny seemed to be breathing heavily, but there was no other sound. Then Roy heard Johnny moan. Thinking something was wrong he bolted into the room and stopped in his tracks. Johnny was on the bed: his hands gripping the covers and his body moving underneath them. His head rolled back and forth on the pillow. Sweat beaded on his brow. He opened his mouth and licked his lips.

Thinking Johnny was in the grips of a nightmare Roy sat on the side of the bed and gently shook his friend to wake him.

It started with the feeling that someone had joined him in the bed.

_He felt the mattress sink and the warm body against his. Before he had time to think, he felt lips pressing hard against his mouth, almost painfully hard. His body immediately responded._

He snuggled deeper into his pillow and sighed dreamily.

_Hands glided softly across his chest and down toward his arousal._

Even in his sleep he instinctively raised his hips to meet the hand that in his dream began teasing him. "Oh man that's nice." He mumbled in his sleep. He turned over on his back to give his dream mate full access to his trembling body. He wanted more. He opened his mouth and licked his lips.

_...the mouth pressed hard against his again and again, sucking his lower lip between teeth and then the overwhelming sensation of nibbling on his neck and shoulder. Then they were kissing again…only as two men can kiss hard body against hard body.___

He moaned with pleasure and thrust his hips again.

"Johnny…hey Johnny…come on, wake up."

_He could hear Roy calling out his name; feel his hot breath brush against the sensitive skin of his neck._

Roy slid his hand down to Johnny's abdomen to count his respirations.

_He felt Roy's roaming hands again moving across his body sending rivulets of desire to his very soul._

Then Roy reached for Johnny's wrist to check his pulse. He lifted it carefully and counted.

_It felt like Roy was holding him down. Caressing his body and covering him with his warmth._

"Come on Junior, it's time to wake up." Roy was assured that his friend was just having a bad dream. His respirations were a little fast as was his pulse, but nothing to be alarmed about. His skin was a little warm and clammy, but that was common with bad dreams. "John!"

Somewhere in the fog Johnny heard Roy call him John. He only did that when he was angry or worried. Suddenly realizing that was not part of the wonderful dream he was having, he bolted upright in the bed almost knocking Roy to the floor.

"Whoa…hey, hey it's all right. It was just a dream. Take it easy. I've got ya." Roy gripped Johnny's shoulders and pulled the trembling man close enough that Johnny could rest his head on his shoulder. He'd done that often enough when Johnny was so ill; it just seemed the natural thing to do. Without thinking Johnny slid his arms around Roy's waist and rested there while he caught his breath.

For a moment he was in heaven…being held by the one person he had learned to be completely at ease with.

Then the magic was lost and he knew he had to pull away. Otherwise Roy would suspect something. He pushed back and crawled to the other side of the bed. "Sorry." He mumbled not looking at his partner. "I need a shower." _'A cold shower.'_ He thought to himself. _'A very cold shower. I hope he didn't notice how tight my jeans were just then.'_ He scrubbed his palms against his face as he crossed the room. _'Oh man, what am I gonna do? I've got to get out of here. Pull up stakes and cut my losses now.'_ He glanced over at Roy; for just an instant he thought Roy was admiring him. He shook off that thought. _'The sooner I get out of here the better.'_ He ducked into the bathroom and leaned against the door.

"Hey Johnny, I'm gonna go make some coffee. Have you eaten?"

'_Just get the hell out of here Roy. I can't do this right now.'_ He turned toward the door and leaned his forehead against it. "No, but it's okay. I can get something later."

"Well I'm hungry now. I'll see what you've got." Roy's voice faded as he left the room and went down the hall.

Johnny stood with his head against the door for a long time before stripping off his clothes and stepping into the cold spray. He shivered as the freezing water tempered his desire. Slowly he adjusted the water to warm, then hot. He took a long shower allowing the heat to pour over his tense muscles until it ran cold. Then he had no choice but to face Roy again.

In the kitchen, Roy found everything he needed to make some chicken vegetable soup…if the chicken in the fridge was still good. He pulled out the container that Joanne had sent home with Johnny a few days ago after he had come over to help fix the broken railing on the deck. _'That was before they put you on leave.'_ Shuddering at the depressing thought he turned his attention to the task at hand; cracked open the lid and smelled. It seemed okay, so he tossed the container on the counter, turned to the cabinet and pulled out the canned carrots and peas he saw there. If he boiled everything for a bit with some spices and hopefully some noodles it would be okay. Not the best soup, but then Johnny had never been picky when it came to food.

Roy rummaged some more in the cabinet and came up with some egg noodles he'd left there when he had been cooking for Johnny while he recuperated from that monkey virus. _'It's a good thing I left these here otherwise this soup wouldn't be very filling.'_ He smiled as he poured the noodles into the pot. _'And we all know it takes a lot to fill you up my friend…well at least it used to, before you got so sick. Not so much anymore. I don't know what is bothering you Johnny, but I'm going to do everything I can to help you. I've got to. We can't keep butting heads at work. Cap will be forced to transfer one or both of us and that's the last thing I want.'_

After he got all the ingredients simmering in a pot, Roy started some coffee. While that brewed he searched for some bread and cheese for grilled cheese sandwiches. Grabbing the iron skillet and tossing some butter in to coat the pan he put the final touches on a decent meal for the two of them. Just as he got the last sandwich from the pan and slid it onto a plate he heard Johnny turn off the shower. _'I know you will be embarrassed that I saw you in the clutches of another nightmare. I hope that shower made you feel better. It sure was a long one.'_

By the time Johnny walked into the kitchen Roy had the table set and was waiting for him. "Feel better?"

"Huh?"

Roy chuckled. "The shower…do you feel better?"

"Oh, yeah, that was some dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Johnny turned away from meeting Roy's eyes. He hated to lie, but he just couldn't tell Roy what that dream was about. "I…uh." He shrugged. "I don't really remember, just that I woke up all nervous and all." He sat down at the table. "This looks good." Hoping to avoid any more of Roy's probing into the dream he delved into his food.

Roy smiled at his friend. _'I like taking care of you Junior. I think you need me. I know I need you in my life, so do Joanne and the kids. Somehow we have to get things back to the way they were.' _

Johnny paused in his meal to glance up at Roy who seemed to be lost in his own plate. He had to pry his eyes off of the man sitting across the table from him. He loved looking at the contours of Roy's face. His eyes traced the strong jaw, the clear blue eyes that looked like a pool of water on a clear morning and the calmness that seemed to rest there. The therapist was right. His love for Roy had to show on his face...in his eyes._ 'Oh God, what am I going to do?'_

Johnny couldn't finish his food. He lay his spoon down and pushed the half eaten soup away. He suddenly felt sick. He folded his arms across the table and despondently rested his forehead on his crossed hands. "Thanks Roy, but I don't feel so good right now." He said softly.

"Okay Junior, maybe we should get you back to bed." Roy was concerned about his friend. For Johnny to admit he wasn't feeling well meant he must really be sick, Johnny never admitted to being sick or injured. _'I hope you aren't having a relapse of that virus.'_ He slid his chair back and moved over beside Johnny intending on helping him back to bed.

Alarm built up in Johnny's heart. If Roy's hands touched him he thought he wouldn't be able to stop himself from doing what he knew he couldn't do. "Don't!" He suddenly blurted out. He tried to clear the lump in his throat. "I…uh I'm just gonna stay here for a minute."

Roy stepped back at the sudden command. His hands dropped to his sides as his mouth opened to respond. He suddenly felt very saddened at the rejection of help from Johnny. "Okay." He wanted to reach out and smooth the dark hair that was now only partially dry from his shower. He wanted to offer the same kind of care Johnny had allowed from him when he was so sick. Roy missed that. He slowly turned away. "I'll just clean this up."

Johnny breathed a sigh of relief and tried to calm his racing heart.

After a few minutes of Roy sloshing around the dishes in the sudsy water and clanking of them as he placed them in the drain tray on the counter, Johnny stood slowly and quietly left the room. _'I'll have to turn in my letter of resignation. There has to be a county somewhere in California needing paramedics. It shouldn't be too hard to recertify in another county.'_ He stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall. His world was crumbling around him, and he didn't know how to fix it. _'Maybe I should just go back to the reservation. At least the people there always knew I was nothin' but trouble.'_He didn't hear Roy walk up. He didn't know that he had stood there watching him for a few minutes.

Then he felt Roy's hand on his shoulder. "Hey…let's get you to bed." Johnny couldn't even look at Roy. He just pushed off the wall and let Roy lead him to his bedroom.

"I can do it." He pulled away from Roy's hand and sat on the bed. "Thanks, Roy."

Roy felt like he'd been slapped. Yes Johnny had thanked him, but no "Partner", no "Pally", just Roy. When Johnny was truly thankful for Roy's help he always used one of the more endearing names…hardly ever did he just call him Roy anymore unless they were on shift. Not since the Virus. Not since they had gotten so close.

"No problem." Roy turned away from his best friend with a heavy heart. _'What's going on with you Junior? Has something changed? Did I do something?'_ Roy felt as if their friendship was slipping through his fingers. _'Do you know…did you figure out what I've been thinking? Joanne did. That's why she's taking the kids to her mother's for the summer. I don't want to lose you too. I can't.' _

Johnny lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry about lunch Roy. I thought I was hungry. I think I'm just gonna try to take another nap."

Roy stopped at the door. "I'll let myself out." He disappeared from view.

Johnny sat up and stared at the empty doorway. _'The best thing that ever happened to me just disappeared from my life. Pally, when you wake up tomorrow I'll be gone. I won't be here to hurt you, Joanne or the kids. Take care of yourself and them for me. I'm gonna miss you all so much.'_


	3. Chapter 3

It Started With the Virus

Chapter 3

By Lady Gage

_Emergency! is not mine__, and neither are the characters. I borrowed them for some fun, but I promise to give them back._

He waited until he heard the front door shut; then got up and went to get some paper and a pen. He had a letter to write to headquarters and to Captain Stanley. He owned him that much.

Roy drove around for hours before returning to his empty house.

During his long drive he had come to a decision. He wouldn't let Johnny slip away. He would talk to him tomorrow. Joanne knew how he felt about Johnny. She had seen it a long time ago. She understood. She took the kids away for the summer to give Roy a chance to figure out what he wanted. She loved Johnny too. She hoped they could find a way to keep their family together. Somehow the three of them would figure things out. But Roy needed time. He needed alone time with Johnny, and she loved them both enough to give them that.

Johnny decided that he should give his resignation letter to Captain Stanley in person, so he drove over there. Now he sat in his Rover staring at the front of Cap's house, not knowing what to do next. Quitting the job that made him who he is wasn't what he really wanted to do, but tearing Roy's family apart, tearing apart the family at the station would be much worse. He couldn't do that to them. He knew how to pick himself up and start over. He'd done it once before and he'd do it again. He leaned his head on his hands draped across the steering wheel.

The knock on the driver's side window startled him. His head shot up and all the air seemed to escape his lungs. Cap stood outside the Rover looking at him with deep concern etched on his face. "John, are you all right?"

He gasped as the air suddenly returned to his starved lungs, blinked a few times and carefully opened the door. "I'm okay, Cap. Um, have you got a minute? I, uh, I need to talk to you. I have something I need to talk to you about." He stammered.

Hank looked over at Johnny. His hair stood up in every direction. His face was pale, he had beads of sweat on his brow and dark shadows beneath his eyes. His shirt was wrinkled, half untucked and buttoned wrong with two envelopes sticking out of the breast pocket; his khaki pants looked like he'd slept in them. "Sure John, why don't you come inside?"

Johnny leaned against the Rover, ran his hand through his hair and sighed deeply, "No thanks." He fumbled for the envelopes in his pocket. He looked on the front of them and handed Hank the one with his name on it. "I w..wanted.." Hank looked at the partially crumpled envelope and back into Johnny's eyes. He knew what had to be inside. "I have to, Cap."

Hank lowered his gaze to the sealed envelope. "I don't want to take this, John. Whatever it is that has you so upset with Roy, whatever the problem, we can get through it together."

"No." Johnny nodded slowly. "We can't. I can't." Johnny reached for the door handle.

Hank reached out and grabbed Johnny by the wrist. "I can't let you do this."

"It's already done. I'm dropping this at headquarters on my way home. I'll be leaving in a couple of hours." He kept his eyes on the window in front of him. He could see Hank's reflection in the glass. He could see the hurt on his face. He closed his eyes. "Thank you for everything. Working for you has been a pleasure." He paused. "It's been great."

"Let me take that to headquarters for you. It'll save you some time." Hank thought if he could stop Johnny from delivering the letter to headquarters maybe he could do something to change Johnny's mind.

Johnny placed his hand on the letter thinking about the offer. "Okay, thanks." He slid it out of his pocket and handed it to Hank without even looking back at him. He didn't have to energy to discuss the option. He just gave in to Hank's suggestion. "Goodbye Cap." He pulled open the door and slid behind the wheel.

Knowing Johnny wouldn't hesitate any longer, Hank backed away from the side of the truck and watched as Johnny drove away. Then he jogged to the front door of his house, rushed inside and grabbed the phone. After several rings Roy finally picked up. "Roy, John just left here. He gave me his letter of resignation. What the hell is going on?"

"He what?" Roy couldn't believe what he'd just heard. "Why?"

"I have no clue. I was hoping you knew."

"I just left his place. He wasn't feeling well. He was going to rest. I left him sleeping. At least I thought he was. Cap, I have to go. He can't do this. I can't let him do this!" He slammed down the phone and ran to his car slamming the door and rattling the pictures on the wall.

Johnny wanted to leave…he needed to leave, before Roy found out. _'If I know Cap like I think I do he's on the phone to him right now.' _But he couldn't make himself go…not yet. He stopped at a little hole in the wall bar a few blocks from his place. He wasn't much of a drinker, never had been. He's seen too much hurt from the effects of alcohol both before becoming a paramedic and certainly after.

He pulled the Rover into a parking space and cut the engine. He sat staring at something…at nothing. In his mind he saw his uncle and his uncle's friends around a camp fire tossing back drink after drink, passing the bottle from hand to hand, laughing. Then the women would slip into the clearing. Johnny crouched lower into the brush and watched. He didn't know any of these women. They weren't from the reservation. They were from town; whether there out of curiosity or true desire he didn't know. Maybe they were there for money. He'd seen his uncle pass bills to one of these women once before. After more drinking, the dancing would begin; then they would quiet. The clothes would begin coming off; blankets spread. Then the moonlight would reflect off of the bare flesh as men and women entwined. The thing that came to Johnny's memory after such a long time of avoiding the images was the men touching not only the women, but each other as well.

He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed a trembling hand across his face. He knew that was when he first became aroused at the sight of men and women together. He knew that was the first time he had seen how men could be with each other. The sensations that welled in his young body as flesh met flesh before him were much the same as he felt when he looked at his best friend now. He grabbed the door handle and pushed the door open. He slowly slid out of the Rover and smoothed his wrinkled shirt. It was then he noticed that it was buttoned wrong. He sighed knowing how he must have looked to Captain Stanley.

Johnny fixed his shirt and smoothed his hair, finger combing it into some semblance of his normal hairstyle. After checking himself in the driver's side window, he turned toward the bar. They knew him here. He came here sometimes after a bad shift to unwind a little…to avoid going back to his apartment alone. "Hey Johnny!" Gus called from behind the bar. Johnny lifted a hand and wearily waved before slipping into a booth. Gus came over with a dripping mug of beer, his usual.

"Uh Gus, can I get a vodka, straight, neat?"

Gus hesitated for a second, mouth open, eyes wide, "Sure Johnny. You okay?" Johnny nodded and reached for the beer. He leaned forward a little and pulled his wallet from his pants pocket. He never answered Gus' question. He pulled out several bills and slid them across the table. Gus left them there and turned back to the bar. Johnny left the bills sitting on the edge of the table and lifted the mug of amber liquid to his mouth.

Roy pulled into the parking lot of Johnny's apartments and noticed that the Rover wasn't there. He pulled into a space and practically ran up the stairs to the apartment, rummaged in his pocket for the key and pushed it into the lock. Hesitating for a few seconds, he stared at the lock not knowing what he would find inside. Would Johnny have packed his things, would he have moved out already? He turned the lock and pushed the door open. Once inside he first moved to the closet in the hall where Johnny kept his camping gear. It was all there. Then he went to the dresser in the bedroom. The drawers were still full; finally, the closet where his shirts still hung neatly. _'You haven't left yet.'_ Relief swept over him as he leaned against the closet door frame. Roy made his way back to his car returned to the street in search of his best friend. _'Where are you Junior?'_

Roy thought he would begin his search at the Station. If Johnny were serious about quitting he might have gone to clean out his locker.

Barely able to stand after a couple of rounds, Johnny slid from the booth. Suddenly, Gus was at his side. "Let me get you a cab."

Weary eyes looked over at the bar tender. "I'm okay Gus. It's just a couple of blocks. I'm just tired. I'll call you when I get there."

Gus wrapped a big hand around Johnny's slender arm. "No sir. I'll drive you. I'll get Dave to pick me up. Come on." He pulled Johnny toward the door as he shoved the money from the table into Johnny's shirt pocket. Johnny looked at him with questioning eyes. Gus smiled at him. "I don't know what happened, but you know your money is no good here."

"You got bills, Gus."

"Not your worry, Gage. Besides, if you hadn't fixed the air conditioner last week no one would be coming in anyway." Gus chuckled. "I've told you before and I'll tell you again. Your money is no good here."

Johnny smiled a little, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Okay." He allowed Gus to help him to his car.

When they got to his apartment complex a few blocks away Gus helped Johnny up to his door. "Thanks Gus, for everything."

Thinking that something was different about the sound in Johnny's voice, Gus gripped his shoulder. "No problem Johnny. You take care of yourself." He turned to walk away. "And Gage." Johnny looked back at him. "Don't do anything you'll regret later. Not when you're this upset."

"No…no I won't. Not now anyway." Johnny turned back to fumbling with the lock. He looked up again and Gus was gone. "I already did that." He slipped inside.

Roy pulled around the station and parked. The doors were all down and the lights out inside the station. _'They must be on a run.' _He hurried across the back lot and into the kitchen door. When he reached the locker room he felt a sense of dread grasp his heart. _'Please be in there.' _He pulled the door open to reveal Smokey the Bear staring back at him, and Johnny's things still inside. Roy slammed the locker door and ran back to his car, careful to lock the station door back as he left.


	4. Chapter 4

It Started With the Virus

Chapter 4

By Lady Gage

_Emergency! is not mine__, and neither are the characters. I borrowed them for some fun, but I promise to give them back._

Johnny trudged through his small apartment hesitating at the couch, but deciding on the bed he made his way down the hallway and into the bedroom. Never one to drink his stomach rolled and he dashed into the bathroom and fell to his knees.

Not knowing where else to look, Roy decided to go back to Johnny's place and wait for him there.

Johnny retched repeatedly until exhaustion mixed with the effects of the alcohol caused him to pass out in the floor of the small bathroom.

When Roy pulled into the apartments he immediately saw Johnny's Rover. "Thank God." He parked next to it and hurried up to Johnny's apartment letting himself in. "Johnny!" He called out. After getting no answer he moved down the hallway in search of his friend.

The bedroom door was open. On the bed there was paper and a pen that Johnny must have used to write his resignation. Roy picked up the pad of paper. On the paper he saw a note Johnny had started to write to him. 'Dear Roy, I'm leaving the department. Trust me it's better for everyone.' Roy closed his eyes and nodded his head and spoke to the empty room. "No Junior, it's not better for me." He continued reading. 'A lot has changed for me. Things I can't begin to explain without someone getting hurt. I can't do that. Please know that I will be forever grateful to you and Joanne for taking me into your family and caring for me the many times I've been injured or ill. Tell Jen and Chris that Uncle Johnny will always love them.' Roy lowered the paper and looked around the room. Johnny still had not packed his things. There was still time to stop him. He raised the pad back up and continued reading. 'When I came to LA I never dreamed I'd find a friend like you, a brother. My feelings…' Roy turned the pad over, flipped the page up and thumbed through several other pages, but there was no more. "What Junior? Your feelings what?" He dropped the pad back onto the bed and turned to leave the room. It was then he heard a soft moan from the bathroom. "Johnny?"

"Ahhhh," Johnny moaned. His head was splitting, his mouth felt like sandpaper, his throat raw and the muscles in his stomach cramped. He tried to roll over to his back and get up, but instead pulled his knees closer to his chest and moaned again. The next thing he knew Roy was there.

"Come on Junior, let's get you cleaned up." Roy helped Johnny sit up and began washing his face with a warm rag. He slipped Johnny's soiled shirt off and threw it in the corner. Roy could smell the stale liquor on him, but he didn't care. He'd found Johnny and nothing else mattered. He continued alternating between cleaning and undressing until he had Johnny naked save his boxers. "Now I'm going to help you to the bed. Let me do most of the work."

Johnny didn't answer he just looked at Roy through glassy eyes and enjoyed the feel of Roy's gentle hands against his skin. He allowed Roy to help him to his feet. His legs felt like Jello and he nearly fell back to the floor, but Roy's strength kept him from it.

Roy practically carried Johnny over to the bed and eased him down. Johnny gave him no resistance; as a matter of fact Johnny was practically limp which had Roy a little worried. He hoped Johnny was just feeling the effects of the drinks he suspected he'd had, but he remembered how drawn and tired he'd been at lunch. Could Johnny be relapsing from that wicked Koki Virus?

Johnny's eyes slid closed and his breathing evened out before Roy could even get him up on the pillows. Roy had to maneuver him up onto the bed and try to make him comfortable. He'd done it many times when Johnny didn't have the strength to do it himself, but back then he'd been so thin. His muscles had weakened from the illness and his ribs seemed to protrude beneath his too pale skin. He didn't look like that now. No in fact Roy thought he looked good…real good. He had gained most of the weight back and had been working out more.

Roy's eyes tracked down the length of Johnny's torso. His arms had filled out and his chest was well defined. He reached out and slid his hand across Johnny's shoulder and rested on his chest for just a second. He sucked in a deep breath. His thoughts were betraying him…betraying his marriage, but Joanne had given him her permission…hadn't she?

His hand slid further down and he ran his fingers across the well defined abs…admiring the definition; his eyes trailed his fingers; his body reacting to the vision before him. But he couldn't do this…not now...not with Johnny unaware of his actions. Not knowing how Johnny felt about it. Not knowing for sure if Johnny felt the same about him. Roy lay down beside Johnny and pulled the blanket over them both. Then he sat back up and slipped out of his shoes and shirt and lowered himself back beside Johnny pulling him close and feeling his warmth against his chest. Roy spooned against Johnny's back, listened to his deep breathing and allowed it to lull him to sleep.

Warmth filled his awareness at the same time he felt the scratchiness of his parched throat. Blinking the dry grit from his eyes Johnny tried to remember what he'd done to feel this bad. He tried shifting to a more comfortable position, but couldn't. He shifted his gaze down his body to the arm that held him in place. He would know that arm anywhere. He had surveyed every inch of the man attached to the arm, admired every curve. A shudder traveled down his spine. "What have I done?" He asked himself silently before realizing he still wore his boxers.

He turned slightly, only enough to be able to look at Roy. Breathing in slowly he inhaled the male scent of him mingled with soap and aftershave. His fingers found their way along Roy's outstretched arm caressing the toned biceps and then across his shoulder to rest on his cheek, but he knew he couldn't have him and that caused the air to escape his lungs. The air in the room suddenly became so heavy he couldn't take it in. It was like a wall had fallen on his chest preventing him from taking another breath. Roy belonged to Joanne; Johnny would never hurt her. He gasped for air and blinked back the involuntary tears that threatened to spill over his long eyelashes.

Roy moaned lightly and turned his head toward the warmth of the hand that cupped his cheek. "Mmmm…."

Johnny flinched and withdrew his hand; his eyes closed to shut out the sadness. Then he turned and began sliding out of Roy's hold.

"Where are you going?" Roy asked him softly as he held him more securely.

"Le'me up Roy." Johnny answered hoarsely.

"We need to talk."

"Nothing to talk about. It's done. I'm leaving L.A." Johnny averted his eyes from Roy. He couldn't look at him. He was having a hard enough time with his emotions already. He knew in his heart that if he looked at Roy he would never be able to leave. "I've already turned in my notice to Cap. There's nothing to keep me here."

"Nothing?" Roy asked in a voice laced with profound disappointment.

The hurt and despondency in Roy's one word drew Johnny's eyes to him. He stared at the familiar face of his best friend searching for answers he knew would not be there. He couldn't look away. The brilliant blue eyes held him captive.

Roy pulled Johnny back until their bodies touched. He lifted himself on one arm and leaned closer. He bent his head while holding the brown eyes with his until his lips pressed against Johnny's.

Johnny had wondered how those lips would feel. Instinctively he lifted his hand to the back of Roy's neck and pulled into the kiss. Reality far surpassed his imagination. Roy's breath smelled minty mixed with a scent that was all him. His lips were firm, yet tender. Johnny felt the surge of the rising sense of urgency coursing through his body. He turned his body where he was facing Roy and lost himself in the moment. His lips parted and allowed Roy to dominate him. The flame started as a touch of heat in his belly and trickled like a growing fire moving down his body.

Warning signals burst in his head telling him not to let this happen, but his heart won out. He pressed his growing need against Roy's hip and moaned into his mouth with a dizzying loss of precious oxygen he knew at once he was going to pass out.

Roy felt Johnny go limp as soon as it happened. He'd gotten lost in the kiss, a kiss he had been dreaming about for weeks. For a few seconds he just held Johnny's limp form before panic gripped him. "Johnny? Hey come on." He patted Johnny's cheek. It felt warm…too warm. Roy lay Johnny back against the pillows and checked his pulse knowing it would be too fast. Hell, his was racing.

Johnny stirred and blinked up at Roy.

"Hey…" Roy blew a breath between his teeth.

Johnny blinked a few times trying to clear his vision. "Don't feel so good."

"I know. I think you have a fever too." Roy swept the damp hair from Johnny's forehead. "I'll take care of you."

"What about Jo?" Johnny looked into Roy's eyes.

"She's out of town with the kids, remember?" Roy moved to get up.

"No…I mean…um…" Johnny couldn't bring himself to ask why Roy had kissed him. Maybe he'd dreamed it.

"She knows Johnny."

"Knows?" He locked gazes with Roy.

Roy smiled. "She's known for a long time. She's okay with it. She loves you too."

Johnny closed his eyes and sighed. "What Roy…what does she know?"

Roy turned and leaned his body over Johnny's. He bent slowly until his lips brushed across Johnny's trembling lips and without backing away he spoke softly to him. "She knows I want to be with you. She knows you want me. She went out of town, so we could work things out."

"I can't do that to her." Johnny whispered.

"She wants us to be a family Johnny, all of us…somehow we will work this out, and you will stay at Station 51." Roy brushed another soft kiss across Johnny's heated lips. "Now I'm going to go get the thermometer and you're going to stay right here in bed. Okay?"

Johnny couldn't believe what Roy had just said. Joanne knew. "Okay." For the first time in a long time he let himself relax.

The End


End file.
